mistersmith_tm: (smith sock puppet)
[personal profile] mistersmith_tm
Dying is a very personal thing. It's also pretty lonely. Just you and your thoughts and the Void. Then nothing. Peace. Quiet. Void.

Unless you're me. Then dying is no different than living. The day to day struggle to survive in a world gone mad. Where you can't trust anyone you meet and no one trusts you. Where only the strong survive. The weak -- and little guys, like me -- are lucky to make it to the next day in one piece. After 15 years of beatings and starving and lost hope, I was done. I was already more dead than alive, anyway. Jumping off the bridge only finished what the Big Death started. I'd probably still be there, too.

Except. Two things happened.

I heard the Voice. That was kind of surprising, since I was drowning and pretty far under. Probably even already dead. I'd never heard that Voice before, but I knew what it was. You can't mistake it for anything else, you know? It was clear about what it wanted, too. "There's work to be done."

"Fuck you!" I said. Or maybe my mind did. But It heard me. "You abandoned us! You let death and terror into the world and now look at us! Look at what we've become!"

"I know, said the Voice. "But I'm back now."

I didn't want to listen. I didn't want to care. But when you're dead . . . well, you're a captive audience.

"My Voice will be heard," It said. "You will be my Voice."

I didn't want to be anyone's Voice. Especially when I'd never been able to find my own after a lifetime of despair and loneliness.

"Let me die in peace," I cried. "Let me do at least one thing right!"

The Voice was silent. But It did something that changed my future forever. Changed me forever.

It showed me Rose.

Date: 2006-01-28 02:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psyche-soul.livejournal.com
Being a parent changes your views on with is important does it not.

Date: 2006-01-28 03:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistersmith-tm.livejournal.com
It changes everything. The world becomes a totally different place. It becomes bigger somehow.

Date: 2006-01-28 03:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psyche-soul.livejournal.com

Yes it does, even the smallest things seem so very important.

Do you mind if I ask, how are my grandchildren...And Allie and Bliss, are they well?

Date: 2006-01-28 03:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistersmith-tm.livejournal.com
You see everything in a whole new way. Even the little things. Like ladybugs. I never really noticed lady bugs before. Not until Angus started trying to eat them.

Bliss and Aille have been pretty busy with their work. There's a lot of turmoil in the world right now. They've kind of got their hands full. I don't get to see either of them as much as I'd like. But I understand. It's who they are. And what they do is important.

The twins are doing great. *softly* You should come visit. They'd love to see you.

Date: 2006-01-28 03:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psyche-soul.livejournal.com
*Laughs softly* They do open your eyes to new things, Phoebe, Atia's little girl, I look after her sometimes and she made me take her to the Zoo, I'd never done that before.

There is indeed, sadness seems to grow daily and the things that are causing this sadness are not just things caused by mortals. Gods must do what they must.

*looks down* I would like that, I want to see them so much, is it foolish to be scared to see them?

Date: 2006-01-28 03:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistersmith-tm.livejournal.com
Not foolish. Never foolish. I know you and Aille are still working things out. That's something I really can't help with. I mean, it's a mother daughter thing. I respect that. But don't let it stop you from visiting or getting to know the twins. They're still your grandchildren. Nothing will change that.

Date: 2006-01-28 03:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psyche-soul.livejournal.com
Thank you. I am just glad that time has no restraints for us, I have a long time to try and get close to my daughter, maybe start again with both her and Bliss.

Of course I will visit within the time that suits you, so if you will tell me a time and place, I will come.

Date: 2006-01-28 04:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistersmith-tm.livejournal.com
Taking your time, getting to know each other. I think that's what both of you need. Give yourself that time, and I know Bliss and Aille will too.

*he ponders a moment, knowing she can come to the temple whenever she wishes but might feel more comfortable with an invitation to begin with*

Alright. The Temple schedule is a bit busy today and Aille is in Brazil. But it will be soon. I promise.

Um . . . how do I get in touch with you?

Date: 2006-01-28 04:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psyche-soul.livejournal.com
*She can't help but laugh softly, her heart soaring at the prospect of seeing her grandchildren finally.*

You do what you do when you speak to any god or goddess, You call their name.

Things maybe busy, but this is very importnat to me, so when you call I will appear.

Oh, the children, what to they like? I'd like to bring something for them

Date: 2006-01-29 04:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistersmith-tm.livejournal.com
Oh. Right. Roger that. *looks sheepish* You'd think I'd know that by now.

They're like . . . they're . . . perfect. *he has a loving, wistful expression as he talks about them* Brigid is hovering. She's getting a bit higher each day. And staying up a little longer. And she talks the most. Well. Maybe not talk. Babbles, mostly. Vocalizes. She likes to be heard and she knows what she wants. Angus is quieter. He hardly cries. Doesn't 'talk' as much. But he likes bright things. *chuckles* And trying to put them into his mouth.

He's learned a new trick. He can't fly. Not yet. His wings are too delicate. But he's apparently learned to get around in his own way. One minute he'll be in the crib and then suddely he's in your arms! Small flashes. Just a few feet. But he's doing it a lot more now that he knows he can!

Date: 2006-01-29 04:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psyche-soul.livejournal.com
They sound so perfect, and I am sure that when he is ready he will show you that he can fly and do other such wonderous things.

As long as he has support, love and a hand to guide him, he will do no wrong. And I can see he has that in you, you have a good soul, and I can not think of a person I would rather have as my 'son-in-law'.

You evn take the time to brighten up the saddess of women you do not really know.

You are a very kind man

Date: 2006-01-29 05:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistersmith-tm.livejournal.com
They are perfect. Just like their mother. But then, I'm kind of biased.

I'm going to do everything I can to be there for them. I'm learning as I go along. Just like them.

*blushing slightly* And thank you. That means a lot to me to hear.

*reaching out, gently touchs her arm* They're going to love their grandmother. *smiles* I don't think anyone can be sad around the twins.

Date: 2006-01-29 05:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psyche-soul.livejournal.com
Fathers always are, Eros used to walk around like a prize Cockrel around Bliss because everything thought he was so cute, and I know he would have been so protective over Allie, fathers usually are over their little girls. *there was a hint of sadness to her voice*

No thanks needed, i just speak the truth. What other man woul dhave done for me what you have when you do not know me? And you gave me some of the greatest gifts ever, pictures of my grandchildren.

*smiles brightly* I hope they do, I hope they fill me with so much joy that I do not think of *sighs, looking up at him* Orpheus is traveling, it took so much to make him believe loving me would not cause my death...I miss him deeply when he is away.

Date: 2006-01-29 05:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistersmith-tm.livejournal.com
I know now how Cupid feels. Every time I look at the twins, I can't help feeling how proud I am of them. Or how hard it is to believe that they're here. That they're really mine.

I just wish . . . well, I wish it could have been the same with Rose. I never saw her as a baby. Never even knew about her . . . not until it was almost too late. *there is sadness in his own eyes, but he covers it quickly*

You're the gift, Psyche. I never new my grandparents. Or my parents. That's something I can never have. But the twins will, and that's a special relationship they can only share with you.

*sympathetic* If you miss him as much as I miss Aille when she's away, then I know exactly how you feel. I think visiting the twins will help fill that void, if just for a little while.

Date: 2006-01-29 05:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psyche-soul.livejournal.com
I am sure that Allie gets that soft look in her eyes, the one that says how she loves them, but underneath it, anyone tries to hurt them, I will kill them. *Psyche knew that, if she ever got her hands on the person who took Allie from her and Eros, it wouldn't be pretty*

*She took his hand, suddenly realising he knew some of what she flt, although for her Allie was a grown woman now, with her own family* It is hard, having something but not having it, you are lucky you got her back so quickly, I would not wish the pain I feel on anyone else.

*squeezes his hand softly* And you are the gift to me, willing to help in any way he can to give me my family, and them me.

It has been hard, he spent so much time away when we first got together, convinced he was not wrthy of me or my love. But I couldn't let him go. We were happy and things were going well, then one day he left. All he left was a note.

I couldn't lose him, I couldn't lose someone lese I love. Now...now we have brief moments, a few words, sometimes hours, but never longer. I love him so much, I just wish he would stop believing that being with me marks my death.

Date: 2006-01-29 05:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistersmith-tm.livejournal.com
*softly* If anyone tried to hurt any one of them -- or you -- I'd kill them myself. I've never had a family before. Never believed that I could. I'm not going to let anyone or anything take it now that I have.

*looks down at her hand in his, then squeezes it gently in return* Maybe you don't see him as much as you'd like, but there's still contact. There's still love. And where there's love, there's always hope. Hang onto that hope. The hours may one day become days, and then longer.

Date: 2006-01-29 05:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psyche-soul.livejournal.com
If anything hurt me I think there would be two men in front of you at least. You father in law and Orpheus, I am blessed to have people who care so about me. They help by giving me strength to keep trying and keep fighting.

I know and it took so long for him to see that I would not give up on him. Lucky that I am stubborn and will not take no for an answer any more *laughs softly* We do see one another when we can, and strange thing is, everytime I see him, I am sure I fall in love with him all over again.

Date: 2006-01-29 11:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistersmith-tm.livejournal.com
You know, I feel the same way about Aille. It's just like that. Exactly like that. Every time I see her, I fall in love all over again.

Date: 2006-01-29 11:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psyche-soul.livejournal.com
The more I speak with you, the more I see we are alike. Old life to new beginnngs, lost children, distant loves. A strong sense of good...*laughs* An old romantic.

I understand now more than ever why you understand how I feel.

Date: 2006-01-30 12:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistersmith-tm.livejournal.com
An old romantic. *laughs softly* I never thought of myself that way but, well, I guess it's true.

Everything will work out, Psyche. And you deserve to be happy.

*gently patting her hand before letting it go* I'll let you know just as soon as there's some free time for you to come visit the twins. That's a promise.

Date: 2006-01-30 12:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psyche-soul.livejournal.com
Thank you.

*stands still for a moment before moving towards him and kissing his cheek*

Look after my babies wont you, and yours of course.

*With a bright truely happy smile she vanishes*


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